First thing this morning, we had a "Breakfast Scavenger Hunt" which was basically going around the main campus building and meeting the different people who work there. There was different food/drink at each.
Today's Hyde Park Immersion was not exactly what I was expecting. The program said that we would begin at 9:30 and then the next thing on the schedule was at 4. I wasn't sure I really wanted to be walking for almost 7 hours and wasn't quite sure how we could spend that much time just in Hyde Park. ANyway. The walking didn't start until 11:30, we had Bible study beforehand. We broke into 7 groups, and each group was to explore a specific section of Hyde park.
My group's area encompassed 50th and Drexel. Which is the intersection where Rev. Jesse Jackson's Rainbow PUSH Coalition is located. We went there and got a tour for about an hour and a half from the director of the athletic/academic program for youth. Then....we actually got to meet Rev. Jackson!! He came and talked to us briefly. They took pictures (with the cameras they had there....none of us students had a camera..) and we each got an autographed poster! What an unexpected surprise!!!!
Then we got to eat pizza and learn about security. The University of Chicago patrols our campus as well. They have 35 cars and their officers have the same training as Chicago police officers. He recommended that we call the University police instead of 911 if there is an emergency because they will get there MUCH faster than the Chicago police. We also all have whistles. If something happens, we can blow the whistle...other people will hear as well and they will blow theirs. On test runs, it took the UC police 84 seconds to respond to a whistle blow. There are also phones all over the place where we can pick up and they will know just where to come find us. They also have escort services who will make sure we get home/to our destination safely if we need them. He gave us safety tips, most of which can be summed up as PAYING ATTENTION.
Then the upperclassmen put on very funny skits for us. Then I came back to my apartment. Now I'm tired and ready for sleep. Tomorrow we get to learn about diversity training. Which I am finding quite interesting. There is LOTS of diversity in the Hyde Park neighborhood. There is even quite a bit of diversity in the LSTC staff/faculty. However, looking at this entering class.....there isn't much visible diversity at all. With very few exceptions, we all appear to be middle class white folk. The biggest diversity in our class is that about 7 of us are gay. But you can't really tell that by looking at us.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
August 28, 2011
Two more days in Chicago. Yesterday, Rebecca and I had brunch with my cousin Michelle and her boyfriend. She lives here in Chicago. It was so great to see her and to know that she lives so close (about 20 minutes). She took us to a cafe that helps some of the homeless with job skills. And the food was GREAT!!
Then Rebecca had to go home. :( But she made it home safely. :)
Last night I was able to spend some time with my roommates. One is in the D. Min. program, the other Phd. They are from South Korea and India. We chatted for about an hour, just getting to know each other. It was great :)
This morning, I went to church with my roommates. The Vineyard Church of Hyde Park uses the LSTC chapel for its services. Then at 1:00 the "Transition to Seminary Retreat" began. We spent several hours learning about the different people who work at the seminary. We also spent about an hour and a half introducing ourselves to everyone there. Then we went to chapel and then there was a cookout. Tomorrow we are having a 'Breakfast Scavenger Hunt" and then walking around Hyde Park all day. They warned us to wear walking shoes and proper clothing for the weather. Oh, and to bring a Bible. There will be Bible study at some point.
Then Rebecca had to go home. :( But she made it home safely. :)
Last night I was able to spend some time with my roommates. One is in the D. Min. program, the other Phd. They are from South Korea and India. We chatted for about an hour, just getting to know each other. It was great :)
This morning, I went to church with my roommates. The Vineyard Church of Hyde Park uses the LSTC chapel for its services. Then at 1:00 the "Transition to Seminary Retreat" began. We spent several hours learning about the different people who work at the seminary. We also spent about an hour and a half introducing ourselves to everyone there. Then we went to chapel and then there was a cookout. Tomorrow we are having a 'Breakfast Scavenger Hunt" and then walking around Hyde Park all day. They warned us to wear walking shoes and proper clothing for the weather. Oh, and to bring a Bible. There will be Bible study at some point.
Friday, August 26, 2011
First Two Days in Chicago
Today is Friday, August 26, 4:30 pm Chicago time. Rebecca and I are sitting on my back porch, watching and listening to kids play on the playset in my courtyard (named "Creation" because of a mural that is painted on the fence hiding the trash cans). Oh, and watching someone dumpster dive. My first two days here have been good. I've had some stressful moments, but overall, it has been wonderful. We got here at about 2:30 on Wednesday. I stopped by my apartment first. My two roommates were here and we met them and brought my bike inside. Went over to the main building and got my keys and signed my lease. Paul, the groundsperson, gave us a quick tour. I learned where the mailroom is, where laundry room is (the machines do not take quarters...they are run with cards that you put money on....) and where the underground bike storage is. Then we moved my stuff in.
Wednesday night we had dinner with a couple that Rebecca knows here in Chicago at Leona's - it was about three blocks away and had a large assortment of foods. If you come visit me, that just might be where I take you to eat! (no...that doesn't mean I will pay for your food...sorry...seminary student on a tight budget here!) Anyway. I have leftovers. I love leftovers.
Thursday we started the day by getting my ID made. Met one of my fellow first-year classmates. He and his partner have been here for a few weeks and live a few buildings down. We then spent the rest of the day walking...walking...walking. We found Subway, CVS, Walgreens. Also found some local grocery stores. Where I had my first stressful moment. We went to a store called Treasure Island. All the produce was very reasonably priced (not that I eat much produce, but anyway..) And then we found the cheese. Kraft American singles. That I can get at Kroger for about $3.00. Yeah....$5.29!! Heart attack!! And THEN...I found frozen Michelina's meals...that are quite often on sale for less than $1.00. $3.85!!! I about passed out right there in the store. Yeah...budget just got tighter.
But on Thursday we also took a very long walk down to the lake, passing the Museum of Science and Industry. I knew there was a beach at the lake. I just wasn't expecting it to show up when it did. So, had I remembered to bring a beach towel or a swimsuit, I could totally go lay out on the beach. At least for a few weeks until it gets cold. But I didn't bring either of those things. So we kept walking and you can basically follow the shore. So..needless to say, I saw some really beautiful views. Found lots of places where I can bring a blanket and do homework on the lake. At least until it gets cold. ;)
Thursday evening I cooked Velveeta Shells and Cheese for dinner. My first ever attempt at cooking with a gas stove. I am pleased to say that the building did not catch on fire nor explode. After dinner, we walked some more and found the used book store.
Thursday night I had another money panic attack (surprise!) After seeing food prices and learning that parking is NOT $60/semester as I had been told last year, but rather $$225/year (plus $35 deposit). But we talked and I was better by bedtime.
Friday morning I went and bought a parking pass for the McCormick garage. I do not parallel park. I have horrendous depth perception when trying and it is better for all involved if I just avoid it. Plus I don't want my car to be buried in snow when the snowplows come through.
We then got in Rebecca's Explorer and explored while driving. We found the closest Target, about 4 miles away. To my great, great, great relief....Kraft cheese was on sale for $2.99 (for a large package and a deal with a free loaf of bread). Michelina's frozen meals were the normal Louisville price of $1.02. Rebecca said I looked much less like I'd seen a ghost after I saw the normal prices. So we bought some groceries and now I have (non-Ramen Noodle) food to eat.
This afternoon we hung up my pictures. And my St. John 'check' - that I am more grateful for than you can probably know. Tonight Rebecca is going to cook some steaks for dinner and apparently there's a potluck type gathering in my courtyard. So maybe I'll meet more of my neighbors. I know that another INKY Synod Candidate that I met at the retreat earlier in August lives here, as does the couple Rebecca and I met when we visited a year and a half ago. So I know I'm surrounded by good people!
Which reminds me. I don't think I ever blogged about the Candidacy Retreat that was held the first weekend in August at Waycross Conference Center in Morgantown, IN (just past Lutheran Hills Camp). It was two days of worshipping with, talking with, and hearing from other candidates, the Candidacy Committee, Bishop Gafkjen and Synod Staff. I met two other beginning LSTC students, a few who are upperclassmen and a few people who I met at Trinity Seminary when I visited there last year. It was a good weekend :)
So..that's my first two days in a nutshell. I think I am going to like Chicago, especially walking and sitting along the lake. At least until it gets cold. I don't like cold. I like snow even less. But I like the environment. I like the people I've met. I like that I don't have to parallel park to get a spot on campus.
Checck back soon for more updates. The "Transition to LSTC Retreat" starts this Sunday afternoon.
Wednesday night we had dinner with a couple that Rebecca knows here in Chicago at Leona's - it was about three blocks away and had a large assortment of foods. If you come visit me, that just might be where I take you to eat! (no...that doesn't mean I will pay for your food...sorry...seminary student on a tight budget here!) Anyway. I have leftovers. I love leftovers.
Thursday we started the day by getting my ID made. Met one of my fellow first-year classmates. He and his partner have been here for a few weeks and live a few buildings down. We then spent the rest of the day walking...walking...walking. We found Subway, CVS, Walgreens. Also found some local grocery stores. Where I had my first stressful moment. We went to a store called Treasure Island. All the produce was very reasonably priced (not that I eat much produce, but anyway..) And then we found the cheese. Kraft American singles. That I can get at Kroger for about $3.00. Yeah....$5.29!! Heart attack!! And THEN...I found frozen Michelina's meals...that are quite often on sale for less than $1.00. $3.85!!! I about passed out right there in the store. Yeah...budget just got tighter.
But on Thursday we also took a very long walk down to the lake, passing the Museum of Science and Industry. I knew there was a beach at the lake. I just wasn't expecting it to show up when it did. So, had I remembered to bring a beach towel or a swimsuit, I could totally go lay out on the beach. At least for a few weeks until it gets cold. But I didn't bring either of those things. So we kept walking and you can basically follow the shore. So..needless to say, I saw some really beautiful views. Found lots of places where I can bring a blanket and do homework on the lake. At least until it gets cold. ;)
Thursday evening I cooked Velveeta Shells and Cheese for dinner. My first ever attempt at cooking with a gas stove. I am pleased to say that the building did not catch on fire nor explode. After dinner, we walked some more and found the used book store.
Thursday night I had another money panic attack (surprise!) After seeing food prices and learning that parking is NOT $60/semester as I had been told last year, but rather $$225/year (plus $35 deposit). But we talked and I was better by bedtime.
Friday morning I went and bought a parking pass for the McCormick garage. I do not parallel park. I have horrendous depth perception when trying and it is better for all involved if I just avoid it. Plus I don't want my car to be buried in snow when the snowplows come through.
We then got in Rebecca's Explorer and explored while driving. We found the closest Target, about 4 miles away. To my great, great, great relief....Kraft cheese was on sale for $2.99 (for a large package and a deal with a free loaf of bread). Michelina's frozen meals were the normal Louisville price of $1.02. Rebecca said I looked much less like I'd seen a ghost after I saw the normal prices. So we bought some groceries and now I have (non-Ramen Noodle) food to eat.
This afternoon we hung up my pictures. And my St. John 'check' - that I am more grateful for than you can probably know. Tonight Rebecca is going to cook some steaks for dinner and apparently there's a potluck type gathering in my courtyard. So maybe I'll meet more of my neighbors. I know that another INKY Synod Candidate that I met at the retreat earlier in August lives here, as does the couple Rebecca and I met when we visited a year and a half ago. So I know I'm surrounded by good people!
Which reminds me. I don't think I ever blogged about the Candidacy Retreat that was held the first weekend in August at Waycross Conference Center in Morgantown, IN (just past Lutheran Hills Camp). It was two days of worshipping with, talking with, and hearing from other candidates, the Candidacy Committee, Bishop Gafkjen and Synod Staff. I met two other beginning LSTC students, a few who are upperclassmen and a few people who I met at Trinity Seminary when I visited there last year. It was a good weekend :)
So..that's my first two days in a nutshell. I think I am going to like Chicago, especially walking and sitting along the lake. At least until it gets cold. I don't like cold. I like snow even less. But I like the environment. I like the people I've met. I like that I don't have to parallel park to get a spot on campus.
Checck back soon for more updates. The "Transition to LSTC Retreat" starts this Sunday afternoon.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Yes, I have fears
I wrote this blog entry almost two months ago. I've gone back and forth numerous times as to if I should post it or not, for several reasons. 1)In it, I share some of my fears about seminary. I do not like to talk about my fears. I hate showing weakness or vulnerability - especially when I don't know who I'm showing them to. 2)My fears seem so petty when there are other people out there who have real problems -like not being able to meet their basic needs. 3)It's a bit contradictory. I talk about my fears and then state that I know they will get worked out. 4)It's sharing something 'real' about myself - and I'm not always so good at doing that.
After rereading it again, I have decided to post it. Some of my fears I talk about have lessened since writing it, but they haven't disappeared. Mostly, I've decided to post because this blog is called "Jen's Seminary Journey." If I really want to share the "Journey" with you, then that involves sharing more than just the required steps of the ELCA process and their outcome. Yes, this journey is about that. But the actual journey involves more than spelled out steps. It involves my feelings about the process, my joys, my hopes, and yes, my fears. If I want to share this journey with you, I can't pretend like these less visable steps are not happening.
So.....here goes....from about two months ago:
“We want to let you know what a pleasure it was reading your application. Your many gifts, intellectual curiosity, and enthusiasm make you an excellent candidate for seminary education. We at the Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago will be enriched by your presence here among us.”
Those are the opening words of a letter I received last week from LSTC. It went on to tell me that they have reviewed my financial aid application and I will receive a grant of $4,200 towards my tuition for my first year at seminary. That is approximately 1/3 of the entire tuition of $12,906
I must admit, I had mixed feelings when I received this letter. I am grateful that financial aid is available. There is no way I can go to seminary without it. And I do not know how much I was expecting. But I know my initial reaction was that $4,200is a long way from the $12,000 tuition and even farther from the actual cost of a year of seminary of nearly $30,000.
I freak out about money a lot. I feel I have been financially responsible all of my adult life (and even before!) and I am terrified of messing that up. The only debts I personally have are for my house and my previous college and post-college educations. I do not live paycheck to paycheck as many do. I have some left over at the end of the month. I have emergency funds and retirement accounts. I’ve spent hours with online calculators trying to figure out the exact amount I need to pay each month in order to save the most on student loan interest.
But I am scared that when I go to school, things will change. I’ve been in the workforce long enough to know that I won’t be able to go without working. As it is, in the 14 years I have been a member of the workforce, less than 12 months of that were spent only working one job. The rest of the time, I’ve had at least two jobs, and sometimes three. So I will still work. But it’s going to be a part-time job because my main focus HAS to be my education and my field placement and ministry opportunities.
I wasn’t afraid of student loan debt when I was in college. My parents paid part of my tuition, I paid some, I got some financial aid, and the rest was federal loans. When I got out, I had less than the average amount and with consolidating them, I got a killer interest rate ($1.875% - I have no fantasies of ever seeing THAT again!). Loans is what you did. Though I do know some people who escaped Hanover with $0 due in repayment.
When I got my Certificate at Sullivan University, they didn’t even talk to me about financial aid. Because I was not a Kentucky resident at the time, they immediately told me I didn’t qualify for any of it. I didn’t know any better, and I knew that I wouldn’t qualify for most scholarships because of the type of program it was (something between undergrad and graduate). They told me I could get everything paid for with loans. Which I did. In so doing, I doubled the student loan debt that I had. (go figure that one out – four years of a small liberal arts college equals the same debt load of 9 months at Sullivan.....the difference between not-for profit and for-profit, I guess)
Anyway. I pay my loan bills each month and slowly but surely, they are going down. So is my mortgage (even slower!!) When I go to seminary, Hanover loans and Sullivan loans will go into deferment. My interest rates are so low, that it isn’t going to cost me a whole lot to do that. And, if I pay the interest each year, I’ll keep the total lower and will still get the tax deduction. But I am afraid of the possibility of doubling, tripling or even quadrupling the amount of student loan debt I will have by the time I get through.
I know, down to the depths of my soul that God will provide. He has proven that to me over and over again. The fact that I work at St. John is verification of that. The night before I was offered this job, I had a mini panic attack over finances. I work part-time at Target as an Early Morning Flow Team Member. I started that in October. The plan was for me to have a full-time job at a law office or somewhere else before my seasonal employment ran out. That didn’t happen and I was blessed to be kept on permanently. However, hours at retail stores are plentiful in the holiday season….and not so much afterwards. Christmas was over and my 30+ hours a week went down to 18...and a week later down to 13.5. The day after Christmas (Sunday) I sat down with all of my numbers and figured out that 18 hours was not going to cut it. Not even close. I went into panic mode, chastising myself for employment choices I had made, and preparing myself to go even more into super “apply for every job that is even remotely an option” mode.
And that night, as I was lying in bed, I had a big ‘ol talk with God. Basically, I told him that I didn’t know what to do. That I had applied for every job I could find and I had gotten….NOWHERE. That I had done what I knew to do. I was crying my eyes out to God and I simply said “I don’t know what else to do. I give this to you. You can fix it. Fix it!” I’m pretty sure I added a ‘please,’ but I literally threw my hands in the air and gave it to him.
That doesn’t mean I felt any better. The next day at Target (I work the 4AM shift) I was not in a good mood. From my perspective, nothing had changed. But mine wasn’t the only perspective. Unbeknownst to me, leaders and members of my congregation were also struggling. They had spent weeks going over applications, interviewing perspective candidates and meeting together to figure out who was going to be the next Administrative Assistant. They had chosen one whom they thought was a good fit and who would do the job well. She, after training for three days, decided that it wasn’t the job for her and had quit – the day after Christmas.
So when I walked into St. John that Monday after my shift, I was in need of employment and my beloved church was in need of an Administrative Assistant. God had not only provided me (and the church), but he had done so very efficiently!
So I KNOW that if I am really supposed to go this route (and I believe with all my heart that I am), God will make it happen. God has placed me in a family and community of support. But right now, I don’t see that. Right now, all I see is a number that I will owe that is significantly more than my bank accounts hold.
And that is part of what makes me human. And what makes me sinful. I know that God will provide. I don’t know how, but I know he will. That doesn’t stop me from doubting, worrying and wanting to somehow control it myself.. Jesus’ words in Matthew 6 are a great comfort to me: “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink...Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life...that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry...your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
God tells us not to worry about the future. That if he cares for tiny birds and grass, that he will also care for us, and even more so. But I still struggle. I struggle to give up control. I struggle to admit that I can’t do everything myself. I struggle to let go of things. I struggle to let others do things that I think I should do myself. I struggle to let others take care of me. I struggle to “Let go and let God” even though I know that if I do that, everything will work out. God wants to take care of me. In my defiance and sinfulness, I tend to resist him (either intentionally or unintentionally) until, in desperation, I cry out to him to “Fix it!” I am working on trying to give it up to him before it gets to that point. I think he would appreciate it and I know I would sleep better.
After rereading it again, I have decided to post it. Some of my fears I talk about have lessened since writing it, but they haven't disappeared. Mostly, I've decided to post because this blog is called "Jen's Seminary Journey." If I really want to share the "Journey" with you, then that involves sharing more than just the required steps of the ELCA process and their outcome. Yes, this journey is about that. But the actual journey involves more than spelled out steps. It involves my feelings about the process, my joys, my hopes, and yes, my fears. If I want to share this journey with you, I can't pretend like these less visable steps are not happening.
So.....here goes....from about two months ago:
“We want to let you know what a pleasure it was reading your application. Your many gifts, intellectual curiosity, and enthusiasm make you an excellent candidate for seminary education. We at the Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago will be enriched by your presence here among us.”
Those are the opening words of a letter I received last week from LSTC. It went on to tell me that they have reviewed my financial aid application and I will receive a grant of $4,200 towards my tuition for my first year at seminary. That is approximately 1/3 of the entire tuition of $12,906
I must admit, I had mixed feelings when I received this letter. I am grateful that financial aid is available. There is no way I can go to seminary without it. And I do not know how much I was expecting. But I know my initial reaction was that $4,200is a long way from the $12,000 tuition and even farther from the actual cost of a year of seminary of nearly $30,000.
I freak out about money a lot. I feel I have been financially responsible all of my adult life (and even before!) and I am terrified of messing that up. The only debts I personally have are for my house and my previous college and post-college educations. I do not live paycheck to paycheck as many do. I have some left over at the end of the month. I have emergency funds and retirement accounts. I’ve spent hours with online calculators trying to figure out the exact amount I need to pay each month in order to save the most on student loan interest.
But I am scared that when I go to school, things will change. I’ve been in the workforce long enough to know that I won’t be able to go without working. As it is, in the 14 years I have been a member of the workforce, less than 12 months of that were spent only working one job. The rest of the time, I’ve had at least two jobs, and sometimes three. So I will still work. But it’s going to be a part-time job because my main focus HAS to be my education and my field placement and ministry opportunities.
I wasn’t afraid of student loan debt when I was in college. My parents paid part of my tuition, I paid some, I got some financial aid, and the rest was federal loans. When I got out, I had less than the average amount and with consolidating them, I got a killer interest rate ($1.875% - I have no fantasies of ever seeing THAT again!). Loans is what you did. Though I do know some people who escaped Hanover with $0 due in repayment.
When I got my Certificate at Sullivan University, they didn’t even talk to me about financial aid. Because I was not a Kentucky resident at the time, they immediately told me I didn’t qualify for any of it. I didn’t know any better, and I knew that I wouldn’t qualify for most scholarships because of the type of program it was (something between undergrad and graduate). They told me I could get everything paid for with loans. Which I did. In so doing, I doubled the student loan debt that I had. (go figure that one out – four years of a small liberal arts college equals the same debt load of 9 months at Sullivan.....the difference between not-for profit and for-profit, I guess)
Anyway. I pay my loan bills each month and slowly but surely, they are going down. So is my mortgage (even slower!!) When I go to seminary, Hanover loans and Sullivan loans will go into deferment. My interest rates are so low, that it isn’t going to cost me a whole lot to do that. And, if I pay the interest each year, I’ll keep the total lower and will still get the tax deduction. But I am afraid of the possibility of doubling, tripling or even quadrupling the amount of student loan debt I will have by the time I get through.
I know, down to the depths of my soul that God will provide. He has proven that to me over and over again. The fact that I work at St. John is verification of that. The night before I was offered this job, I had a mini panic attack over finances. I work part-time at Target as an Early Morning Flow Team Member. I started that in October. The plan was for me to have a full-time job at a law office or somewhere else before my seasonal employment ran out. That didn’t happen and I was blessed to be kept on permanently. However, hours at retail stores are plentiful in the holiday season….and not so much afterwards. Christmas was over and my 30+ hours a week went down to 18...and a week later down to 13.5. The day after Christmas (Sunday) I sat down with all of my numbers and figured out that 18 hours was not going to cut it. Not even close. I went into panic mode, chastising myself for employment choices I had made, and preparing myself to go even more into super “apply for every job that is even remotely an option” mode.
And that night, as I was lying in bed, I had a big ‘ol talk with God. Basically, I told him that I didn’t know what to do. That I had applied for every job I could find and I had gotten….NOWHERE. That I had done what I knew to do. I was crying my eyes out to God and I simply said “I don’t know what else to do. I give this to you. You can fix it. Fix it!” I’m pretty sure I added a ‘please,’ but I literally threw my hands in the air and gave it to him.
That doesn’t mean I felt any better. The next day at Target (I work the 4AM shift) I was not in a good mood. From my perspective, nothing had changed. But mine wasn’t the only perspective. Unbeknownst to me, leaders and members of my congregation were also struggling. They had spent weeks going over applications, interviewing perspective candidates and meeting together to figure out who was going to be the next Administrative Assistant. They had chosen one whom they thought was a good fit and who would do the job well. She, after training for three days, decided that it wasn’t the job for her and had quit – the day after Christmas.
So when I walked into St. John that Monday after my shift, I was in need of employment and my beloved church was in need of an Administrative Assistant. God had not only provided me (and the church), but he had done so very efficiently!
So I KNOW that if I am really supposed to go this route (and I believe with all my heart that I am), God will make it happen. God has placed me in a family and community of support. But right now, I don’t see that. Right now, all I see is a number that I will owe that is significantly more than my bank accounts hold.
And that is part of what makes me human. And what makes me sinful. I know that God will provide. I don’t know how, but I know he will. That doesn’t stop me from doubting, worrying and wanting to somehow control it myself.. Jesus’ words in Matthew 6 are a great comfort to me: “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink...Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life...that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry...your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
God tells us not to worry about the future. That if he cares for tiny birds and grass, that he will also care for us, and even more so. But I still struggle. I struggle to give up control. I struggle to admit that I can’t do everything myself. I struggle to let go of things. I struggle to let others do things that I think I should do myself. I struggle to let others take care of me. I struggle to “Let go and let God” even though I know that if I do that, everything will work out. God wants to take care of me. In my defiance and sinfulness, I tend to resist him (either intentionally or unintentionally) until, in desperation, I cry out to him to “Fix it!” I am working on trying to give it up to him before it gets to that point. I think he would appreciate it and I know I would sleep better.
Monday, February 28, 2011
February 28, 2011
This past Saturday, February 26, was my Entrance Panel with three members of the Candidacy Committee. It was going to be scheduled for sometime in April, but the Committee decided to do them a bit differently this time and have them done before their April meeting instead of coinciding with. Anyway, Saturday was the day.
My meeting was in Seymour (my hometown, of all places!) at St. Paul-Borchers. I'd never been there before. It's a very nice church. I met with the Chair of the Committee, a pastor from Indianapolis, and a retired pastor. The interview itself was supposed to last about an hour. Well, mine lasted about an hour and a half. It consisted mainly of me telling my story. My jobs, my family, my church life. And yes, I was just a wee bit nervous. They assured me that it was fine (and quite normal!) to be such.
They then sent me out into the lobby while they wrote up their recommendation and about 1/2 hour later, called me back in to discuss it with me. They also allowed Rebecca to come in with me.
Their recommendation is that I be entranced. They gave me a few suggestions on things I can do, starting now, to prepare myself for this coming fall and beyond.
Overall, I think it went well. I will hear the final decision of the entire committee in early May.
My meeting was in Seymour (my hometown, of all places!) at St. Paul-Borchers. I'd never been there before. It's a very nice church. I met with the Chair of the Committee, a pastor from Indianapolis, and a retired pastor. The interview itself was supposed to last about an hour. Well, mine lasted about an hour and a half. It consisted mainly of me telling my story. My jobs, my family, my church life. And yes, I was just a wee bit nervous. They assured me that it was fine (and quite normal!) to be such.
They then sent me out into the lobby while they wrote up their recommendation and about 1/2 hour later, called me back in to discuss it with me. They also allowed Rebecca to come in with me.
Their recommendation is that I be entranced. They gave me a few suggestions on things I can do, starting now, to prepare myself for this coming fall and beyond.
Overall, I think it went well. I will hear the final decision of the entire committee in early May.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
January 13, 2011
Wow. It's been a long time since I've updated! This entry isn't going to be solely about my seminary journey. But I think everything that I'm going to include here is related. God works in so many ways, and something that seems completely unrelated to my journey may just be the cause of another step.
After working with the new online forms for about a week and emailing Pastor Wood several times, I finally managed to fill out the online forms and get them to actually send. I think there are some kinks that still need to be worked out!!
I thought I was going to have my Entrance Panel in November. Or not. Pastor Wood said that they try to do all of the Panels in April. So I'm waiting to hear from him on when that will be.
In September, I turned 30. I celebrated by going to Las Vegas in October with a bunch of friends and family. Had a blast! (Ok...so this one probably has nothing whatsoever to do with my seminary journey).
In October, I also quit my jobs at A+ Paper Shredding and Empire Tax Service and went to work at Target as a Seasonal Early Morning Flow Team Member. I also found out that since Carolyn, St. John's Administrative Assistant of 27 years, was retiring, that my job as Office Clerk was going to be gone. Carolyn worked 20 hours a week and I worked about 10 (well, usually less than that). Her replacement is going to work 30 hours a week and do both jobs.
I spent the next six weeks applying for any and every job I could find that was even remotely interesting and applicable. No legitimate responses. Whatsoever. Got some spam responses, though. And a few that told me I would be PERFECT for their opening......for an insurance salesperson! Any of you who know me will know how well I would perform at THAT job!!
Sometime in December, Forest told me that they had had a Team Lead Meeting and they were happy with me as an employee and would I like to stay on past Seasonal? I never would have thought I would be so relieved! I wasn't going to be unemployed come January!!
St. John hired a new Administrative Assistant and she trained with Carolyn the three days before Christmas.
So Christmas came. I went to Seymour and spent a few days with the family. It was a good time. :D
So then my next Target schedule is posted. I had been getting 30+ hours/week. Now I'm scheduled for 18!! Sunday night is spent working with my numbers...and coming to the realization that 18 hours at my Target salary just isn't going to be enough! Panic attack time!
I stop at church after Target on the 27th because I hadn't put the reminders out for the new girl to mail. Pastor is sitting in the office. I see no white car in the parking lot that belongs to the new girl. "Are you alone?" I ask. He responds that the new girl decided that the job wasn't for her.
So, after talking a while, Pastor asked me if I would be interested in taking the job, on an Interim basis, until I go to school in the fall. I went home, thought about it, prayed about it, called Rebecca and talked about it. Called him that evening and said I would. It was approved at the Council meeting that Tuesday. So the rest of that week, I worked at church a bit after Target, and I started the church job full time (well, 6 hours/day) after the new year. (no, I haven't given up Target, nor do I intend to).
Of course, on the Monday and Tuesday of my new job, I got not one, not two, but THREE people responding to job ads I had applied to. God does play jokes on us sometimes, doesn't he?
After working with the new online forms for about a week and emailing Pastor Wood several times, I finally managed to fill out the online forms and get them to actually send. I think there are some kinks that still need to be worked out!!
I thought I was going to have my Entrance Panel in November. Or not. Pastor Wood said that they try to do all of the Panels in April. So I'm waiting to hear from him on when that will be.
In September, I turned 30. I celebrated by going to Las Vegas in October with a bunch of friends and family. Had a blast! (Ok...so this one probably has nothing whatsoever to do with my seminary journey).
In October, I also quit my jobs at A+ Paper Shredding and Empire Tax Service and went to work at Target as a Seasonal Early Morning Flow Team Member. I also found out that since Carolyn, St. John's Administrative Assistant of 27 years, was retiring, that my job as Office Clerk was going to be gone. Carolyn worked 20 hours a week and I worked about 10 (well, usually less than that). Her replacement is going to work 30 hours a week and do both jobs.
I spent the next six weeks applying for any and every job I could find that was even remotely interesting and applicable. No legitimate responses. Whatsoever. Got some spam responses, though. And a few that told me I would be PERFECT for their opening......for an insurance salesperson! Any of you who know me will know how well I would perform at THAT job!!
Sometime in December, Forest told me that they had had a Team Lead Meeting and they were happy with me as an employee and would I like to stay on past Seasonal? I never would have thought I would be so relieved! I wasn't going to be unemployed come January!!
St. John hired a new Administrative Assistant and she trained with Carolyn the three days before Christmas.
So Christmas came. I went to Seymour and spent a few days with the family. It was a good time. :D
So then my next Target schedule is posted. I had been getting 30+ hours/week. Now I'm scheduled for 18!! Sunday night is spent working with my numbers...and coming to the realization that 18 hours at my Target salary just isn't going to be enough! Panic attack time!
I stop at church after Target on the 27th because I hadn't put the reminders out for the new girl to mail. Pastor is sitting in the office. I see no white car in the parking lot that belongs to the new girl. "Are you alone?" I ask. He responds that the new girl decided that the job wasn't for her.
So, after talking a while, Pastor asked me if I would be interested in taking the job, on an Interim basis, until I go to school in the fall. I went home, thought about it, prayed about it, called Rebecca and talked about it. Called him that evening and said I would. It was approved at the Council meeting that Tuesday. So the rest of that week, I worked at church a bit after Target, and I started the church job full time (well, 6 hours/day) after the new year. (no, I haven't given up Target, nor do I intend to).
Of course, on the Monday and Tuesday of my new job, I got not one, not two, but THREE people responding to job ads I had applied to. God does play jokes on us sometimes, doesn't he?
Monday, August 16, 2010
August 16, 2010
On July 30, I received my official letter from LSTC. It stated that I have received a Provisional Offer of Admittance to the M. Div program in fall of 2011. The "Provisional" aspect is there because I have not yet had a Positive Entrance from my Candidacy Committee. I hope to have my Entrance Panel sometime in the near future. The "Provisional" will be removed when LSTC receives my Positive Entrance decision.
I finally put my acceptance letter of their offer in the mail on Saturday. So it's all official now!
Yesterday (Sunday) I received an e-mail from Pastor Wood. He is the chair of the Candidacy Committee. Because of the changes in rostered ministry policies that were passed last August, some of the candidacy forms have been revised. He asked me if I could refill out the forms, and add in the additional requested information. Not a problem. Will get right on that!
I finally put my acceptance letter of their offer in the mail on Saturday. So it's all official now!
Yesterday (Sunday) I received an e-mail from Pastor Wood. He is the chair of the Candidacy Committee. Because of the changes in rostered ministry policies that were passed last August, some of the candidacy forms have been revised. He asked me if I could refill out the forms, and add in the additional requested information. Not a problem. Will get right on that!
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